I began counselling at the start of term, trying to ascertain why I was flagging behind. I am very demotivated because it is the end of an era: and I really don't want to leave my University. The staff and course has allowed me to grow as a person and encouraged me as an artist and academic writer, and I don't think I can get this anywhere else at the minute. Instead of being very excited about what's coming next, I find myself feeling very scared and nervous about what's to come.
I've applied for a masters degree in two places, one in Copenhagen and one in Norwich (at NUA) to help me integrate into the industry a little bit better and further my study of concept art.
I feel that my project is getting tired now, and despite all I say about being demotivated and flagging behind and being miserable, I think i'm just exhausted after three years of work. I love my art work, and I love to learn, and my dream of having my name in the credits of a game or film is still my main goal.
As a result of being knackered, I think i've started comparing myself to other people again, and it's really difficult to stop once that spiral of low self-esteem begins. I've always admired my friend and peer Natalie Martin's work (Google Nat M Design or Eristhenat), and her work ethic has been consistently stellar. It's annoying, as she has a skill set that i'd love to have, but I find myself putting up barriers in regards to asking her for help or learning from her. Year 3 definitely has been a journey of self discovery in regards to this, as I have to establish that we are DIFFERENT people, and we have each got a DIFFERENT skillset that we are each good at.
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